If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
