It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
