i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
