We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
