Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
