it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
