Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
