Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
