I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
