What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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