Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
