Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
