to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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