I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea