Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.