if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom