i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES