Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
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We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.