She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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