dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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