Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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