hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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