Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
