Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
