Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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