She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
