Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
