i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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