New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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