those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
