also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
