Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Your penis caused this!
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