Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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