Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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