there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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