how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
