i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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