...so i touched it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
