After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What a dumb baby whore.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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