i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
