I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
