bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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