its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
