my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
