Im at strip club and am horny
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
