Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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