i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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