the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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