It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
