Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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