Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
