How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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