is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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