Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
