The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
