can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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