new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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