I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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