if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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