I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
