he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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