:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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