I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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