You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
