I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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