More tranny stories later!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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