goodnight i made you a song goodbye
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.