the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed