I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?