i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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