If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize