My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
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i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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I just had sex on a roof
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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