i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
