Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it was like eating out sand paper
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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