There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
