she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
