I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
