Don't make out with my wife yet
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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