spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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