I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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