i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
