What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
