I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
